Domestic Abuse

What is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic Abuse is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial, or emotional) that happens within an intimate or family type relationship, regardless of gender, that forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. Domestic abuse can include behaviour which is not necessarily in itself inherently ‘violent’, such as isolation or withholding financial support. The violence and abuse can be actual or threatened, and can happen once every so often or on a regular basis.

What can I do?

If you are in an abusive relationship there are three steps you should take.

• Recognise that it is happening to you.
• Accept you are not to blame.
• Seek help and support.

Recognise that it is happening to you

Domestic abuse can take a number of forms such as physical assault, sexual abuse, rape and threats. In addition, it may include destructive criticism, pressure tactics, and disrespect, breaking trust, isolation and harassment. Some abusers offer ‘rewards’ on certain conditions, or in an attempt to persuade their partners that the abuse won’t happen again. Whatever form it takes, domestic abuse is rarely a one off incident, and should be seen as a pattern of abusive and controlling behaviour through which the abuser seeks power over their victim.

Accept that you are not to blame

It is not easy to accept that a loved one can behave so aggressively. Because they can’t explain their partner’s behaviour, many people assume that they themselves are to blame. They are not. No-one deserves to be assaulted, abused or humiliated, least of all by a partner in a supposedly caring relationship. It is the abuser’s behaviour which needs to change: there is no excuse.

Seek help and support

The most important thing you can do is to tell someone. For some, the decision to seek help is quickly and easily made. For many, the process will be long and painful as they try to make the relationship work and the violence stop. The prospect of leaving an abusive relationship can be as frightening as the prospect of staying. Most people try to find help a number of times before they get what they need, and even after leaving they may still be at risk. Never be afraid to ask for help again.

If you are suffering, have suffered or know / suspect someone is suffering from domestic violence; you can contact Worthing Women's Aid on 01903 231939 who can signpost you or them to appropriate services that may be able to help. You may have a whole range of questions about financial rights if you separate from your partner, about what housing rights you have, etc. You’ll find representatives who can direct you to this information. All enquiries will be treated with strict confidentiality, unless there is either a 'child protection' or 'adult at risk' concern.

In addition there is a wide range of other domestic abuse support services available.